and for the lady, perhaps a platter of optimism?

how to flirt a sexy future into existence

Everything sucks. Especially our collective self-induced nihilism towards the future. I get it, optimism seems to be naive in the face of a mountainous graveyard of atrocities unfolding across the world every single day and a ‘everything is doomed anyways’-mentality seems to be significantly more realistic. But is it though?

I believe a lot of us have retreated into nihilism for the same reason a lot of us are in year-long situationships: a crippling fear of commitment combined with an astronomical fear of rejection. And while we can surely blame online dating for serving us the perfect product to ignore our fears for even a tiny fraction of a second while swiping through a perpetual seemingly potential of potential-less people, we can surely blame media outlets and Zuckerberg’s algorithm for feeding us stories and news that further confirm our nihilism. And so it happens, that as we swap from dating app, to news app and back and forth and back and forth until our fingers become numb or our freshly microwaved food becomes cold - whichever comes first - the one thought penetrating our minds is how EVERYTHING just really fucking SUCKS.

A generation raised on endless analysis is now suffering from a shortage of vision.

If you’re an activist, you’re pretentious. If you aren’t an activist, you’re ignorant. If you're ambitious, you're capitalist. If you're not ambitious, you're wasting your potential. If you're a mother, you're setting women back. If you're childfree, you're selfish. If you're political, you're exhausting. If you're apolitical, you're complicit. If you're online, you're performative. If you're offline, you're uninformed. If you're optimistic, you're naive. If you're pessimistic, you're toxic. Give each other a break already.

We're cuddled up in the (dis)comfort of a cultural decision paralysis because every identity comes with its own public prosecution. So we might as well do... nothing? Girl!!! The fuck not.

Something I keep circling back to when I’m being called a dumb leftist slut by right-wing men and a performative feminist by my fellow - morally superior - leftist sluts in the same minute is: the future. ‘Oh, you still believe in that? A future?’ Well, yes. Not only do I believe that the rise of patriarchy and everything it brought us (capitalism, climate change, medical bills, chlamydia) is a perversion of nature, but I also believe that better times are upon us if we collectively lock the fuck in. On top of that, I also believe that this political imagination should not be so lightly placed in the hands of tech bro boomers who will leave this planet in the next decade anyways, but by the generation who actually has to live inside the consequences of their questionable actions.

Do you think that maybe for once, we’d survive putting aside our fetish for proving who's the most politically correct in the room and start aggressively imagining a future worth living in?

I can already hear the question: “Why would I care about the future of humanity if I’ll be dead in fifty years anyway?” The interesting aspect about radically imagining a better future isn’t that you’re nobly doing your part to save humanity from extinction, but that your own life becomes more livable in the process. A wise person (me) once said that the opposite of cynicism isn’t optimism. It’s active participation. Wild concept, I know.

See, the good news is the moment we start believing things could be better, we stop keeping our fingers busy swiping from one echo chamber to the next and start paying attention to the version of life that exists just 200 meters beyond our screens. We become more curious. More connected. More willing to invest in people and ideas that may outlive us. Side effects may include an increased sense of hope, unexpected affection for strangers, a renewed interest in collective action, less Hinge matches with straight men. Agency is terrific.

So personally, even if I never live to see it, I’d rather get pregnant from flirting too hard with a volatile future, than have my soul die everyday a little bit more from this collective epidemic of powerlessness.

But how do we flirt the future into existence?

South Korean philosopher Byung-Chul Han brilliantly said: ‘Without ideas (…) life is reduced to survival or to the immanence of consumption. Consumers have no hopes, only desires and needs.’

Read.that.again.

I may not be a philosopher and I may not be from Korea, but I believe what’s really hurting us is our inability to hold two truths at once. We can and should be astronomically enraged at all the atrocities unfolding in the world, but thinking rage alone is a political strategy is just as illusory as thinking an alarm system is a blueprint for a new house. My generation became incredibly skilled at identifying everything that's broken and remarkably hesitant to articulate what we'd build instead. And oh boy, do I get it! Imagining a better future feels embarrassingly vulnerable these days.

I can almost guarantee that the moment anyone even dares to propose an alternative, someone will yell at us how it’s unrealistic, problematic, naive, privileged, utopian or not radical enough. It’s much safer to be cynical. Much safer to point at the fire than to sketch the evacuation route. But honey, while you’re participating in the wokeness Olympics, don’t forget that identifying the problem is the easy part. Critique is safe because it keeps your hands clean. Vision is hazardous because it forces you to get them dirty.

Additionally - and I hate to be that type of person to point out the obvious - not a single movement in history has ever survived on outrage alone. During the height of the AIDS crisis, activists were furious, yes. And on top of that, they were busy building mutual aid networks, healthcare organizations, political institutions and care systems. For decades, queer people have had to imagine new family structures because traditional ones excluded them. Instead of saying, “Well, I guess family just isn’t in the cards for me,” they built lavender marriages, chosen families, community networks and entirely new ways of caring for one another. That’s the gist.

The stories we tell about our generation are almost exclusively framed around what we’ve lost. Stable careers. Affordable housing. Financial security. Romantic relationships. Affordable olive oil???

And while we’re graduating into an economy where homeownership feels mythical and even buying groceries feels like a financial decision to agonize over, we’re also becoming experts in adaptation. Every survival mechanism we're developing right now - resource sharing, community care, mutual aid, alternative living arrangements, unconventional careers - is becoming the blueprint for whatever comes next. A better future won’t emerge despite these conditions. It will emerge from them.

What really sucks is that every generation inherits a world it didn’t choose and yes, that sucks. Everything sucks. But if everything already sucks so much, we eventually reached a point where adapting to the old world becomes less useful than designing a new one.

So if we zoom out, the systems that feel unconventional today may one day become the norms future generations inherit without a second thought. How can I be so sure? Well, every institution we now consider normal - from weekends and public education to maternity leave and paid sick leave - began as someone’s impossible idea. Chances are, they were called a radical leftist.

Here are some strategies I’ve established that keep me from losing my fucking mind:

1: Counteract negative news with positive ones: If we look at classic news outlets, I’d guess 98% are negative and can easily put us in a state of anxiety and hostility. But babe, if you’re already staying informed, don’t forget to educate yourself on the whole story. Just as there’s bunch of atrocities unfolding in the world, there’s also a bunch of good things happening at the same time. From a neurological point of view, it is imperative to hear both sides of the story.

2: Nothing will make you feel more hopeful about the future, than taking matter into your own hands: This could look like writing a fictional story of characters living the future, being the person to innate new projects in your neighborhood, educating the kids in your life, building businesses or organizations that actually make a difference. Even if it's something as small as growing vegetables on your balcony, the care required to nurture something into existence signals to your brain that you believe in a future where it can flourish.

3: Surround yourself with people who are on the same path: Since I didn’t have it in my own life, I’ve created a Matriarchal study club where women from all around the world come together to learn about matriarchal theory and apply that knowledge to build future-forward thought. We’re currently 60 women from over 20 different countries and our bi-weekly meet-ups are always my highlight and give me so much hope! Feel free to join us or build your own study club, but either way trust me: magic happens when people come together to envision something different.

4: Start building trust in humanity: I believe a lot of our nihilism and hostility towards the future comes from an inherent distrust towards humanity. It’s impossible to not want to protect the future when you’ve seen the good in people. If you hate humans and have no proof of humanity, go out and build it. People in the real world are a lot cooler than they’re given credit for by ABC news.

And lastly, don’t forget that it’s okay - fuck, even necessary - to feast on optimism. Once you’re nourished, build a buffet and feed your people.