Coming from you, this is a massive honor!! Thank you so much for reading <3
Regarding the book — I’ve started writing about how I travel the world with my daughter, but feel like I haven’t quite found the perfect angle yet. Honestly, it could be epic to frame it around de-centering men from motherhood!!
Yes! And I came here to say that building matriarchal businesses, organizations, and communities is the way forward. I love your voice Sarah and am so grateful for you!!!
Ummm can we make “walking marriages” a thing?? Also, do you follow Gala Darling? I love the way she’s approaching her engagement & relationship: totally separate houses, making plans without running them by her partner…basically having her own life first and foremost. Imagine that.
Girl YES I’d be walking into a new marriage every night, no pastor could keep up with my schedule 😭 I haven’t heard of her yet, but will check her out asap!
So damn good, every word. From one of those 60 year old gals w a margarita in one hand and cig in the other. We've had enough bs, I travel and talk to women all over the world in the 50+ bracket and attend women's circles of solidarity. We're all talking about looking for co-living spaces as a base, where we can afford in beautiful places, share everything, help each other, no boys allowed 😉. Hell, maybe I'll start one in Greece.
DAMN this was good. I didn’t know having a child with my gay bestie was an option — although I might argue the right husband can assume the role of gay bestie if and when needed.
I felt so validated by this whole piece because I just started a series on here where I’m interviewing older women about beauty through the lens of aging honestly. Yes cigarette and margarita but also regret and doubt and insecurity. I’ve only had my mom on so far (lol) but women seem to be excited to participate and eager for more of this kind of message — or perhaps, permission?
The ~patriarchy~ has lied to us all about pretty much everything and, even though my corner of the internet here is small, I’m just hoping to spread a little truth in whatever capacity I can.
I love that you’re doing this (in a BIG way) and I sincerely hope with more and more of us using our platforms for good, we will one day achieve world peace.
Which at this point is really just having a female president.
Thank you for your service — I’m looking forward to following along 🫡
Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading the piece!! 🩷 I looove your project and I would love to connect you to my friend Paula who is a 58 year old iconic yoga teacher for midlife women!! Her insta is @paulasyogaforlife
I‘m genuinely so excited that all of us are waking up to the cruelty of patriarchy and start organizing differently!!
So so damn good. I have desires in me that are totally off the patriarchal map, and I’ve felt so alone with them until I read this piece. Damn girl, you nailed it.
Thank you so much for reading!! I honestly felt like 20 hours was a lot for me, since I usually just sit down and pour whatever thoughts are occupying my head onto the page within a couple of hours. But I’m SOOO happy to hear that it feels like something bigger on the receiving end! <3
I’m so fucking proud of you for writing this. I always suspected the Gen Z daughters would be the ones to show the Gen Xers and Millennial Babes the route to change 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💕💕💕😻😻😻
I loved this essay, especially the part about female friendship becoming the central love story of our generation. I’m about a decade younger than you (I'm 17, so younger Gen Z / Gen-Alpha cusp), and reading this made me realize something: the cultural shifts you’re describing are becoming even more visible in high school right now.
Last month I went to my school’s winter dance and had a bit of a sociological moment in the middle of the dance floor. Growing up, every depiction of high school I had seen followed the same script: mean popular girls competing for male attention, rigid popularity hierarchies, couples isolated from everyone else, and girls constantly tearing each other down. But when I actually arrived in high school, that structure was… mostly gone.
Instead of hierarchies, everything feels more like a network. Girls uplift each other constantly (you can literally see it in Instagram comment sections full of “gorgeous,” “stunning,” and “obsessed”). Friend groups overlap rather than forming rigid cliques. At dances, people come in groups instead of pairs, circles form and merge on the dance floor, and the whole room ends up singing together rather than competing for attention.
Reading your essay made me realize how matriarchal that actually looks. Anthropologists often describe matriarchal societies as being organized through circles of relationships rather than pyramids of status. Standing in the middle of that dance floor, that’s exactly what it felt like: circles instead of hierarchies.
Which makes me wonder if one of the biggest cultural shifts happening right now is something quiet: the slow death of the “mean girl.” That archetype was basically a miniature patriarchal hierarchy — queen bee at the top, everyone else competing underneath. But if that system is fading among younger girls, it means one of patriarchy’s oldest social training grounds is disappearing too.
Your essay argues that matriarchy will return through cultural shifts rather than political revolution. Watching high school culture change in real time, I honestly think you’re right. If we already instinctively organize ourselves around reciprocity, female friendship, and collective joy at seventeen, it’s not hard to imagine that carrying into how we build families, communities, and support networks as adults.
In other words: the seeds of matriarchy might already be showing up on high school dance floors.
“It softens our late stage capitalist obsession with accumulation and replaces it with participation.” That line stayed with me because it names something I’ve felt but haven’t had language for. I was a single mother for ten years, and across marriage, divorce, and remarriage, the most stable and sustaining force in my life has been my friendships with women. When something truly matters, I often turn to them first, not because my partner is lacking, but because those friendships hold a form of witnessing that doesn’t carry the same weight of proximity or negotiation.
That idea of “essential infrastructure” feels right. When I feel lost or lonely, I can trace my way back through the trust I’ve built over years of showing up for and being known by other women, and it steadies me in a way nothing else does. I also keep thinking about your point that “we’re clearly witnessing the slow decline of the idealization of the patriarchal nuclear family,” and how that opens space not just for independence, but for a more intentional, relational life inside and outside of partnership. The shift is not away from love, but toward a fuller ecosystem of it, one that allows you to still wear the robe, still take the trips, still invest deeply in friendship and marriage without collapsing into either.
It can be disorienting to realize you’ve been chasing the wrong thing, and that clarity sometimes asks you to make hard decisions about your future, even leaving relationships that no longer serve you. But matriarchy can also live well within existing systems, especially when you are with a partner who makes space for that kind of fullness rather than competing with it.
I devoured every word of this!
Also, you said, "I could write an entire essay on its own about de-centering men from motherhood" - I think you need to write a book on it ;)
Coming from you, this is a massive honor!! Thank you so much for reading <3
Regarding the book — I’ve started writing about how I travel the world with my daughter, but feel like I haven’t quite found the perfect angle yet. Honestly, it could be epic to frame it around de-centering men from motherhood!!
Yes!! I have not seen ANYONE talking about this yet
Yes! And I came here to say that building matriarchal businesses, organizations, and communities is the way forward. I love your voice Sarah and am so grateful for you!!!
Thank you so much, so happy to be doing the work alongside such incredible women like yourself!!! 🩷
I absolutely adore this. So so much. It has lit a little fire in me to embody these matriarchal values and given me a lot to think about - thank you !
Ohh gosh that makes me so happy!!! ❤️
Ummm can we make “walking marriages” a thing?? Also, do you follow Gala Darling? I love the way she’s approaching her engagement & relationship: totally separate houses, making plans without running them by her partner…basically having her own life first and foremost. Imagine that.
Girl YES I’d be walking into a new marriage every night, no pastor could keep up with my schedule 😭 I haven’t heard of her yet, but will check her out asap!
So damn good, every word. From one of those 60 year old gals w a margarita in one hand and cig in the other. We've had enough bs, I travel and talk to women all over the world in the 50+ bracket and attend women's circles of solidarity. We're all talking about looking for co-living spaces as a base, where we can afford in beautiful places, share everything, help each other, no boys allowed 😉. Hell, maybe I'll start one in Greece.
Aww thank you so much Debbie!! Please start one in Greece and let us know how it goes! It’s never too early to start living our Mamma Mia life ❤️
Oh this sounds like my own dream. 💐
DAMN this was good. I didn’t know having a child with my gay bestie was an option — although I might argue the right husband can assume the role of gay bestie if and when needed.
I felt so validated by this whole piece because I just started a series on here where I’m interviewing older women about beauty through the lens of aging honestly. Yes cigarette and margarita but also regret and doubt and insecurity. I’ve only had my mom on so far (lol) but women seem to be excited to participate and eager for more of this kind of message — or perhaps, permission?
The ~patriarchy~ has lied to us all about pretty much everything and, even though my corner of the internet here is small, I’m just hoping to spread a little truth in whatever capacity I can.
I love that you’re doing this (in a BIG way) and I sincerely hope with more and more of us using our platforms for good, we will one day achieve world peace.
Which at this point is really just having a female president.
Thank you for your service — I’m looking forward to following along 🫡
Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading the piece!! 🩷 I looove your project and I would love to connect you to my friend Paula who is a 58 year old iconic yoga teacher for midlife women!! Her insta is @paulasyogaforlife
I‘m genuinely so excited that all of us are waking up to the cruelty of patriarchy and start organizing differently!!
Wisdom from a 58 year old yoga instructor? UH, YES!!!!!!!! I’ll reach out to her, I would loooooove to hear her perspective. Thank you!
With you 100% on waking up and organizing differently and I hope this is the year it happens. I believe 🥹
So so damn good. I have desires in me that are totally off the patriarchal map, and I’ve felt so alone with them until I read this piece. Damn girl, you nailed it.
It’s the 20 hour essay that made my day. 💗
ohh I love that!! we should all be aimlessly wandering the muddy paths off the patriarchal map <33
Incredible essay.
coming from the queen herself, THANK YOUUU!!! 💗
So brilliant. So satisfying! You wrote it in only 20 hours? Wow! Well done. Thank you!
Thank you so much for reading!! I honestly felt like 20 hours was a lot for me, since I usually just sit down and pour whatever thoughts are occupying my head onto the page within a couple of hours. But I’m SOOO happy to hear that it feels like something bigger on the receiving end! <3
I’m so fucking proud of you for writing this. I always suspected the Gen Z daughters would be the ones to show the Gen Xers and Millennial Babes the route to change 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💕💕💕😻😻😻
That’s so kind of you, thank you so much!! I knew Gen Z was onto something when they were the ones who overthrew their government in Nepal haha. <3
This is very cool and embarrassingly not something I knew anything about prior to reading this, but I see it now. Bravo!
incredible article! we need more of this!!!
I loved this essay, especially the part about female friendship becoming the central love story of our generation. I’m about a decade younger than you (I'm 17, so younger Gen Z / Gen-Alpha cusp), and reading this made me realize something: the cultural shifts you’re describing are becoming even more visible in high school right now.
Last month I went to my school’s winter dance and had a bit of a sociological moment in the middle of the dance floor. Growing up, every depiction of high school I had seen followed the same script: mean popular girls competing for male attention, rigid popularity hierarchies, couples isolated from everyone else, and girls constantly tearing each other down. But when I actually arrived in high school, that structure was… mostly gone.
Instead of hierarchies, everything feels more like a network. Girls uplift each other constantly (you can literally see it in Instagram comment sections full of “gorgeous,” “stunning,” and “obsessed”). Friend groups overlap rather than forming rigid cliques. At dances, people come in groups instead of pairs, circles form and merge on the dance floor, and the whole room ends up singing together rather than competing for attention.
Reading your essay made me realize how matriarchal that actually looks. Anthropologists often describe matriarchal societies as being organized through circles of relationships rather than pyramids of status. Standing in the middle of that dance floor, that’s exactly what it felt like: circles instead of hierarchies.
Which makes me wonder if one of the biggest cultural shifts happening right now is something quiet: the slow death of the “mean girl.” That archetype was basically a miniature patriarchal hierarchy — queen bee at the top, everyone else competing underneath. But if that system is fading among younger girls, it means one of patriarchy’s oldest social training grounds is disappearing too.
Your essay argues that matriarchy will return through cultural shifts rather than political revolution. Watching high school culture change in real time, I honestly think you’re right. If we already instinctively organize ourselves around reciprocity, female friendship, and collective joy at seventeen, it’s not hard to imagine that carrying into how we build families, communities, and support networks as adults.
In other words: the seeds of matriarchy might already be showing up on high school dance floors.
this essay basically argues that Gen Z accidentally reinvented matriarchy through group chats, run clubs, and hot divorced aunties, love it!!
Thank you for spending that 20 hours to produce this article. I loved it. 😍
“It softens our late stage capitalist obsession with accumulation and replaces it with participation.” That line stayed with me because it names something I’ve felt but haven’t had language for. I was a single mother for ten years, and across marriage, divorce, and remarriage, the most stable and sustaining force in my life has been my friendships with women. When something truly matters, I often turn to them first, not because my partner is lacking, but because those friendships hold a form of witnessing that doesn’t carry the same weight of proximity or negotiation.
That idea of “essential infrastructure” feels right. When I feel lost or lonely, I can trace my way back through the trust I’ve built over years of showing up for and being known by other women, and it steadies me in a way nothing else does. I also keep thinking about your point that “we’re clearly witnessing the slow decline of the idealization of the patriarchal nuclear family,” and how that opens space not just for independence, but for a more intentional, relational life inside and outside of partnership. The shift is not away from love, but toward a fuller ecosystem of it, one that allows you to still wear the robe, still take the trips, still invest deeply in friendship and marriage without collapsing into either.
It can be disorienting to realize you’ve been chasing the wrong thing, and that clarity sometimes asks you to make hard decisions about your future, even leaving relationships that no longer serve you. But matriarchy can also live well within existing systems, especially when you are with a partner who makes space for that kind of fullness rather than competing with it.